Did it really matter?

I got mad today! Boy oh Boy were my feelings ever hurt. Someone so close had said something I thought was so selfish. And I spent my day ruminating on that anger. Stewing in it and carrying it like a torch. Here was a fight that needed to be fought.

REALLY?

You see over the last month I have found myself spending many hours at the hospital. My mom is still in there and I went there to help both her and Dad deal with the different doctors and nurses.

The first week my mom was there they gave her a room in the "Cancer" ward. Mom, who was a bit loopi from an infection that got to her brain, thought she herself had Cancer. I kept telling her she didn't but she would just smile and look at me like she knew better. I remembered the look she gave because it was the same one she gave me when I was a teenager. She would smile and say "I know what you are doing, you can't fool me". And I would laugh because she never did know what I was doing. The truth was that she didn't have Cancer. She would learn this as her head cleared.

That week though, I was around some very sick people. Many had a hard time doing the simple stuff that we take for granted. Most of them were fighting for their lives. You could imagine the pain they would go through during that time. I knew that some would eventually lose that fight.

Although my mom was also sick, she was probably the healthiest person on that ward. Explaining to her that she only had an infection it kind of felt as if the other patients would envy us. We were not one of them, and our fight while very real to us, it was only a fraction of what everyone else on that floor would face. Sometimes when Dad would get impatient at the doctors, I wanted him to just quiet down because I felt that the other patients really needed the doctors much more than we did.

After a week mom was moved up to the Acute Geriatrics ward. In the bed next to her was an elderly lady who would scream morning, noon, and night. It was very irritating and I think everyone not just in the room but on the whole floor wished she would stop. We came to learn however that she had been in the "Concentration Camps" in Germany. And her screaming was the result of nightmares. And suddenly you could just imagine the fight she had in her life and the horrors that she faced every time she closed her eyes.

So why am I telling you this? Well I guess tonight as I was thinking about why I was mad, the main thing that I kept thinking was ....Did it really matter?

Is that really the fight I need to fight?

Portuguese Knitting

I just received my video and pins from Andrea Wong. She has been great to deal with. Lately I have been dealing with a bit of stress as my mom is having some medical issues. Knitting when I get back home from the hospital has helped keep me calm. I am just about finished my Almost Double knit scarf and can't wait to start a project using the new Portuguese knitting technique. Whether it will replace my continental is debatable, given that I am pretty quick and even in that method, but I can see some really good uses. The video shows some great stranding techniques that I think might help with eveness compared to now when I use Continental with one hand and english with the other. I am going to try an sock or mitten with the PK and see how it goes. Still fiddling round with tension at the moment to get it right.

It's amazing how many different techniques there really are to make a knit and purl stitch. Besides the three I have learned I see a forum on Ravelry that talks about Russian Knitting. And how about the Norwegian Purl stitch I learned last week. Amazing how you can do the same thing so many different ways.

I'll let you know how my PK knitting progresses but one thing for sure it's the first knitting style where it's easier to Purl than to knit. As well it looks like doing lace might be a breeze. Thanks to Andrea for her help along the way.

Teach and old dog new tricks

I always have loved learning new things. Fooling around on Ravelry forums I came across Portuguese Knitting. I had no idea what it was so followed a YOU TUBE entry to Andrea Wong knitting this style. It looked so different that I had to try it. Over the last few nights I spend a bit of time learning this style. I don't know if it will ever replace continental as my main way but I notice that I can knit a bit tighter with this style. Also that the stitches are very even. And of course purling is just a joy in this method. I don't have any problem purling in continental but this really was the quickest and easiest purling method I have learned.

Hiding from friends

I started the year knitting a simple ribbed hat for myself. Wanted something warm for when I was out shoveling the snow. While I was knitting one day a few of my sons friends came by. Each time they walked by the room I was in I would lower the knitting and move it off to the side. Why on earth would I hide it? Well, I think I am worried about embarrassing my kids. Now, once again it is not that I am embarrassed about being a knitting male, but more that society may not be as accepting. I don't want my kids to take a ribbing because their dad is "Justaknittingmale". I remember the first time when I went to my LYS and took my daughter. I figured that I could get her to buy the wool and it would look like I was just there to pay. You see, for some reason back then it was just weird for me to be a knitter.

My kids on the other hand are fine with it. And while I hide my knitting from their friends, the real fact is that their friends all know that I knit. This is because they see the stuff my kids wear that I made for them. When they were asked whether their mom made it, they let it be known that it was their dad. Actually most of their friends want me to make them something too. I have to give credit to my kids becauase they support me and my knitting. So again why is it that I have such a worry about people knowing I knit. I mean I have no problem telling people but always feel the need to explain it at some point. Weird.

Well, I guess it's all part of the process of coming out of the closet. Yes I am just a knitting male!

So why is it such a big thing?

I spent part of my New Years Eve with some friends. At one point one of them decided to tell the room that "I am justaknitting male" And for some reason, I found myself defending myself? I never really understand why it puts me on the defensive. I mean, I really enjoy knitting. Do I really care what someone else might think about me being a "Knitting Male"?

Well, yes I guess in some way I do care. Really, when I think about it it is the new "Male Knitter" coming out of the closet. Yes it is no longer the decade of gay comings out but the one of Male Heterosexual knitters coming out. So weird to feel like you can talk about knitting with woman but should hide it from other guys. The best yet is that when someone else mentions to a room that I knit.....I quickly announce that "I COACH FOOTBALL". There! See! I really am a man.

Who would have thought that knitting could threaten ones masculinity? So then is that my New Years resolution? To come out of the knitting closet for good? Well....I'll have to think about that one.